Oddest Conversations

The conversation in my truck today was so odd that I all-but memorized it.

The über passenger, named Chase, from UofD, had some of his family with him, as it was Parent’s Weekend at the University of Delaware, my driving area in Newark, Delaware, USA.

I picked them up at his room and drove them to his fraternity house. . . a $4 trip but I knew that’s the trips I’d be making this day. Hey, I don’t über so much for the $$ as I do for the intense people watching (and listening) that the job provides. I dropped them off and went out and about, bringing parents/students to their short-drive destinations.

As I’m driving back into Newark proper from an outlying tower of student apartments, I end up returning to afore-mentioned fraternity house and pick up who?. . . . the same family. I welcomed them with open arms and lied that I’d been waiting for them since I dropped them off! LOL Nah, they didn’t buy it either.

I ended up taking them in a round-about way to the football stadium (big game today). . . but they understood because there were so many parking restrictions around the stadium.

This extended time with Chase and his family was amazingly fun to listen to, a real slice of America. I even explained to them before dropping them off that I’d be documenting the conversation in this diary (of sorts) and they seemed to get a chuckle that their über driver was so attentive.

Here’s a capture of some of what I heard, not actual quotations, I’m not THAT good at memorizing dialogue. (Thus. . . I’m NOT an actor)

“Chase, Tortice (cat) is almost 15 and not doing well, you can feel her spine.”

“Both ????? and ????? lived 18 years before they died, but after Tortice, I don’t want another cat.”

“She wants a bird”

“What, like a parakeet?”

“No, like a parrot. . . a bird!”

“you’re not getting a bird”

“If you do get a bird, get a hawk. . or a falcon, now that’s a bird”

“Why not get a sloth?”

“A what?”

“A sloth, They’re cute, cuddly, slow and they have to eat veggies three times a day but only poop once every two weeks.”

“Why not get a Koala Bear?”

“I’m not buying all that bamboo for that.”

“That’s a Panda Bear.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t want a Koala Bear because 95% of them can deliver Syphilis to humans.”

“I don’t plan on having sex with it.”

“They can transmit it to humans with a scratch.”

“Why are we having this conversation, you’re not getting any of those.”

“How about a snake, a big one?”

“I can’t feed it mice, that’s why we can’t get a hawk or falcon or bald eagle.”

“Why would you get a pet you can’t touch?”

“You can touch a snake.”

“YOU touch the snake, it’s not getting near my neck.”

“Steve, are we here, yet?”

ME: yes, sir, enjoy your visit.